Thursday, March 25, 2010

Hello Smith and Wesson....

Yes, you are correct, the Smith and Wesson that I am referring to are not a couple of great new stores or clothing designers....I am referring to the one that makes guns.

One of the things that we talk about in my company when it comes to personal growth is 'stepping into your fear'.  I, personally, don't think that I am afraid of too many things.  There are some ideas/activities that I am not too interested in but I wouldn't necessarily say that I fear them.  However, I stared fear square in the face on Monday night.

My husband has a couple of handguns for the purpose of protection and some sport shooting.  I know where they are.  I know about the parts.   And, I know they can kill someone.  However, I had never fired a weapon.  Ever.  So, we both thought it was pretty ridiculous to have a handgun in the home if I had no idea what it would feel like to use it.  So.............I signed up for my first NRA class about how to safely handle and use a handgun.

I went, by myself, to class on Monday night.  The class was taught by a woman who knows her stuff and seems to be an expert in the field.  I stepped into the local gun range shop and felt like I was in a foreign land. I knew very little about all of the different guns and ammo there.  In my class, there were 2 other women and 3 men.  And, being the person that I was, I assumed that most of the people in that beginner class had never fired a weapon either.  Wrong assumption.  They all had....except me.  Class went well.  I paid attention, answered questions, and felt like I had a pretty good handle on the rules.  Then it was time for the gun know...where they fire guns.

I have been off my blood pressure meds for over a week and have no idea what my blood pressure was when I stepped into my own little stall.  I could guess and would tell you that the number I would guess usually requires medical intervention.  I waited patiently for further instruction.  I was in absolutely no hurry for the first time ever.  And, then as it got closer to my turn, the feelings and physical reaction that I have prior to vomiting started.  Don't worry...I didn't vomit all over, although I was awfully darn close.

One of the things that they tell you is to keep gradually applying pressure to the trigger until your weapon fires and that you should be surprised when it does.  Believe me, I was surprised on all 50 of the rounds that I fired.  And, I was marginally more comfortable as I went through my rounds.  I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that I was a pretty damn accurate shot.  Don't misunderstand, it's not like the target was that far away, but I did pretty damn well for someone who was trying not to throw up.  Oh yeah...and I was better than the other women in the's a good thing I am not competitive.

Overall, I would put it in line of the most stressful things I have ever done.  For those of you that know me and know my previous life as a nurse, it was even more stressful than some of the times that I coded someone with a gut feeling they wouldn't make it.

Despite the stress, I will go back.  I want to try again without those first time jitters and see how it goes.  If it goes well, I will keep it up.  If not, I won't.  But, if some idiot comes into my home with the intent of harming me, I will not be afraid to show him that I know how to use a gun safely....and then I will probably throw up.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

My Birthday Present

Today is my 30th birthday.  And, it is birthday #1 without my best friend.  On some level, I found it poetic to wake up with a migraine and that it has rained all day.  To me, the rain is from my Mom.  She is very sad to not be here for my 30th birthday and knows that this has NOT been the birthday season of birthdays past.

Each year, I buy myself a little something for my birthday...or maybe a few little somethings.  But, this year, is different.  I did something much bigger and something that will bring a long lasting impact to both my life and the life of my community.

As of last Friday, the Proud Mary Foundation was established.  Yes, I started a Non Profit in honor of my Mom.  She and I both love helping others and making a difference in the lives of those whose circumstances are much worse than our own.  So, I felt it was only fitting to give back in honor of my 30th year.  The mission is to support causes that both she and I believe in.  As you can imagine, there will be donations made to organizations that support literacy, education, the Episcopal Church, and the good works of the University of Kansas Hospital.  Each year, a percentage of my salary will be dedicated to the Foundation and others will be able to donate as well.  

I know that she is proud of me and the woman I am becoming.  And, I know she thinks what I have done is fitting.  I will continue to help others in honor of her memory and in support of organizations she loved.  She will continue to make a difference with my help.

And, I will just tell you....I am going to have a lot of fun handing out those checks.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Value of a Girl Date

It's amazing how much a 'girl date' can help sometimes.  This week has been rather rotten.  Had a lot of emotional stress, a lot of missing my Mom, and the change of seasons which always tends to mess with my head.    Needless to say, Missing Mom Monday had turned into Tearful by Wednesday, I was in need of some help.  Luckily for me, I had an evening planned with a friend I don't get to see often enough.  And, she and I did what we both love to do....went to Nordstroms.  Our mission, find things that made us think of spring and massacre our winter blues.  So, we went the evening eyeing shoes, playing in the make up, touching purses with leather that felt like 'buttah', and picking up some color on the 2nd floor.  So, this am, I woke up knowing that I would be wearing a cute new cardi in the perfect shade of purple and some new makeup that makes me feel pretty.....I think it isn't going to be a bad day.
I don't have too much to complain about today....I get to spend the afternoon 'working' the VIP suite at the Sprint Center for the Big XII tournament....with free booze and free food...sounds pretty damn rough doesn't it.  And, while I can't wear anything to support my teams, I did wear the perfect spring purple cardi today.

Thursday, March 4, 2010


I never been so glad to see sunshine as I was today.  Not only was it finally flippin sunny for a whole day, but it is 50.  50 glorious degrees.  I am so completely over this winter and in need of some serious vitamin D.  So, bring on the sunshine and the warmer weather.

I was out running around over lunch and contemplated getting a pedicure to celebrate the nice weather.  Then, I knew that would certainly spoil it all and certainly bring more snow.  So, I will wait....just like I am waiting a few days to get my car washed.  It's supposed to rain this weekend....

Monday, March 1, 2010


I had plenty of things to be thrilled about today.  I was back in the office.  My first listing went up which means the excellent prospect of a paycheck.  It is March, otherwise known as the start of birthday season.  It was 40 degrees and I saw about 3 rays of sunshine.

I went to work with a good 10, it was trickling down hill.  And, I tried and tried and tried to get myself right back out of it.  I made some serious progress in the office and got A LOT done.  However, the Monday Miss My Mom doldrums crept into my consciousness despite my best efforts.  I have been 'funked' ever since.

I am lonely for my buddy.  Lonely to trade our normal Monday emails that griped about how much neither one of us wanted to be at work....although, these days, I actually want to be there.  Lonely to start hearing the stories about the day I was born and the blizzard that tried to circumvent my arrival.  Lonely to talk about what we are going to wear for Spring and that neither one of us has anything that we like in our closets.

I am officially in that closet hating stage right now.  I am so over everything that is in there.  I am sick of winter clothes and less than excited about my current spring prospects.  And, I am also not pleased that my weight loss has halted and that my ass does not fit into the nice small size it belongs in.  I want the vision of the JCrew stylists...ok, so not some of the ugly looks....some of the, 'wow, I can't believe that goes together and looks that good' looks.

As for my workouts....well...they are going ok.  I had a really good one last Thursday that almost made me puke....And, I was supposed to get back on my 'no snooze' wagon this am and failed miserably.  I am going to the gym 5-6 days a week, it just isn't always in the morning like it should be.

Today is the day that nothing is right.  I am frustrated with me.  Sick of living in Olathe.  Sick of living out of multiple locations.  Sick of Claire playing defense when Moxie goes outside.  Sick of feeling fat.  Sick of running on that damn track at the gym.  Sick of coats.

I hope to wake up and have the funk gone tomorrow.  I hate days like this.  I have alot to be thankful for but don't feel all that damn thankful....and that frustrates me.